By Mark Spurlock, LMFT 45318 · Updated October 17, 2026
Save a Marriage, Save a Family.
When one spouse is leaning out and the other wants to stay, I fight for the marriage. If there is a chance to save it, I want to help you take it, and I will go the extra mile with you. You can start alone if your spouse won’t come yet. I see married couples and individuals by secure video across California.
Insurance can help, even if you come alone. I’m in network with many major plans, for both couples and individual sessions. If your spouse won’t come yet, you can often use your insurance for your own individual sessions, depending on your plan. Find your plan and your coverage is checked before your first session. Have questions? Read Does insurance cover marriage counseling in California?
Is it too late for marriage counseling?
If one of you still wants to try, there is something to work with, and I will work hard with you.
Many couples reach this point after months or years of hurt. One of you may have already said the word “divorce.” That doesn’t mean the decision is made. One study of about 2,500 divorcing parents found that about 1 in 4 thought the marriage could still be saved. In about 1 in 3 couples, one partner was interested in reconciliation and the other was not.
So if you feel like you’re the only one who still wants to try, you’re not alone. No honest counselor can promise how it ends. What I can promise is my full effort: I will fight for your marriage alongside you.
When one of you is leaning out and one is leaning in
This is one of the hardest places a marriage can be. One spouse is tired. They’ve tried, or feel they have, and they’re done hoping. The other spouse is scared. They want to fix it now, and they may be pushing hard: more talks, more promises, more pressure.
Both make sense. Neither spouse is the villain. But the more one pushes, the more the other pulls away, and the gap grows.
Going the extra mile for your marriage
When one of you is leaning out, I don’t sit back and wait. I work to slow the slide, lower the heat, and give the marriage a real chance. The early sessions help each of you see your own part. Then I ask you both for a set period of real couples work, with divorce off the table during that time, so the marriage gets an honest effort.
If you both choose to work on it, we use my Four Quadrants framework: Emotion, Communication, Agreement and Radar Skills. You can learn more on my Relationship Radar page.
How I fight for your marriage
- I see the spouse who wants to stay right away, even if the other spouse isn’t ready.
- I meet with each of you on your own, as well as together.
- I leave the door open for the spouse who isn’t ready yet, without pressure.
- You leave every session with one clear step.
Can I come alone if my spouse won’t?
Yes. You do not have to wait for your spouse to go first.
Individual sessions can help you steady yourself, step out of the pursue-and-push pattern, and decide your own next step. Sometimes when one spouse changes how they show up, the whole dynamic shifts. Either way, you’ll be steadier and better equipped to keep showing up for your marriage and your family.
You can use insurance for individual sessions. If your spouse won’t come, you can often use your own health plan for individual counseling, depending on your plan. Pick your plan on my find your plan page, and your coverage is checked before your first session. Private pay for an individual session is $150.
Learn more about individual counseling. Husbands, this is very common for you, and you’re welcome here. See therapy for men. If anger is part of what’s driving the conflict, see anger management therapy.
What the first sessions look like
We get a clear picture of what brought you both in. We name the pressure on the relationship in plain language. I’m practical and direct, and you leave each session with one clear step.
When one spouse is leaning out and the other leaning in, it can help for me to spend some time with each of you, as well as together. We’ll talk about what fits for you.
I’m on the side of your marriage. I’ll be honest with you both about what I see, and I’ll go the extra mile to help you rebuild it.
Sessions run 53 to 60 minutes by secure video, anywhere in California.
If there is domestic violence or abuse
Please reach out to these resources:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988
- Emergency: call 911
If there has been an affair
For couples counseling, both spouses must have stopped seeing anyone else. My marriage counseling page covers betrayal in more depth.
For legal questions about separation or divorce, please talk with a family law attorney.
Insurance and cost
Insurance. I’m in network with many major plans for both couples and individual sessions, including Aetna, Anthem Blue Cross California, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Massachusetts, Blue Shield of California, Carelon Behavioral Health, Cigna, Kaiser Permanente Southern California, Magellan, MHN (Managed Health Network), Oxford, Sharp Health Plan, Sutter Health, TRICARE West, and United Healthcare / Optum. The plan buttons on my find your plan page book individual and couples sessions, and your coverage is checked before your first session.
If your spouse won’t come, you can use your insurance for your own individual sessions, depending on your plan. For couples sessions, most insurers cover them when they treat a diagnosed mental health condition in one spouse. Copays, deductibles and session limits vary, so please verify your benefits with your plan. For the details, read Does insurance cover marriage counseling in California?
Private pay.
- Couples session: $200
- Individual session: $150
- You pay one session at a time.
A sliding fee scale is available. Ask after your first session, or write to info@marriageandfamily.com. Private-pay clients receive a written Good Faith Estimate before the first session.
Faith and this decision
Christian Counseling is available. See Christian marriage counseling.
Frequently asked questions
Is it too late for marriage counseling if my spouse wants a divorce?
Not while one of you still wants to try. A spouse saying “divorce” doesn’t mean the decision is made. If there is a chance to save the marriage, I want to help you take it, and you can start even if only one of you comes.
Can counseling work if only one of us wants it?
It can be a real start. When one spouse changes how they show up, the pattern between you can change too. I’ll work with you on your own, and I’ll welcome your spouse in whenever they’re ready. I can’t promise what your spouse will do, but I’ll give your marriage my full effort.
My spouse won’t come. Can I start alone?
Yes. You do not have to wait for your spouse to go first. You can often use your insurance for individual sessions, depending on your plan. Private pay is $150 per individual session.
What happens in the first session?
We get a clear picture of what brought you in, name the pressure on the relationship in plain language, and you leave with one clear next step.
What if there’s domestic violence or abuse?
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.
Does insurance cover this?
It depends on your plan. I’m in network with many major plans for couples and individual sessions, and your coverage is checked before your first session. Private pay is $200 for couples and $150 for individual sessions. A sliding fee scale is available.
Do you see couples anywhere in California?
Yes. I see married couples and individuals, adults 18 and older, by secure video anywhere in California.
Want to start on your own? Start alone with individual counseling. More questions? See /questions/.
If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911. For domestic violence support, call 1-800-799-7233.
